29 Jul



Christianha’s 13 Rules

28 Feb

1. Say it out loud.
Ever notice how grand our ideas seem within the confines of our self centred minds? STOP. Open your big fat mouth and listen to yourself, there’s usually a slim possibility that you will actually like the shit that comes outta your mouth more than likely you’ll be thinking WTF did I just say?!

2. Never Give Full Disclosure.
Your friends and family NEVER need to know everything about your life. This aint an E True Hollywood story, you are not a celebrity and chances are If you’re reading this you probably never will be. Keep some amount of sanity by keeping the most secret parts of you a secret.

3. Share Your Feelings.
Sharing your feelings is NOT full disclosure about your life. At some point in time you will have to tell someone how you feel about a situation or issue because if you don’t and you keep all that shit bottled up, someday you’ll snap. No one is a mind reader so never assume he/she knows how you feel if you don’t say it and its not fair to presume they should be so caught up in your life to notice everything. Get Real.

4. Do Piss Off on Annoying People.
The world is full of them and chances are you know quite a few. Yea, I’m talking about those conceited a-holes that think the universe revolves around them, hell are they wrong! These people have to be taken down for the greater good, so throw on your superman cape and let them know that off is the general direction in which they should fuck. Oh and btw I’m pretty sure it is ok to shoot them just for good measure.

5. Laugh at yourself
I read this somewhere and its one of the truest things, “Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does”. Aint that the fucking truth. Unless you’re pointing an M-16 in their face they’re really not likely to give a rat’s ass about you. You aren’t Da Vinci and those scribbles on the sides of your notes can’t compare to the Mona Lisa, so just chill the fuck out and enjoy what you really are.

6. Have at least 2 confidants.
Approach your life like it’s a treasure chest full of gold, you wouldn’t put the keys to the chest with the map right? Sectionalize your life. Keep two people in your life that can serve a different confiding purpose. One to handle the emo shit, and one to handle the crazy shit. In the event that real shit does goes down with either one of your confidants you will maintain your disclosure clause #2.

7. Be Selfish.
Sometimes it IS about YOU and you gotta let people know it. Just don’t be a total bitch about it.

8. Say NO.
Two simple letters that can save you from doing a lot of crappy things you really don’t want to and end up regretting later. It’s the weak ones that can’t say no.

9. Carpe Diem
Funny how when we’re having a bad day, we absorb those memories and emotions and burn them into the membranes of our brain. Well burn this- every time we experience a good feeling, a good day or whatever –anything that makes us smile – pause and take it in. Keep THOSE thoughts and feelings on reserve for all the sucky days ahead.

10. Make Eye Contact When Having Sex
Make a connection, even if it is a slam bam thank you ma’am scenario u need to intensify it and staring directly into your partner’s eyes will send thrills to nerves in your body you never knew existed.

11. Walk Away
Sounds easier than it really is especially if you’re in a very heated argument but honestly its much better to choose your battles wisely and taking on an ignorant person is like fighting with a pig. A pig enjoys frolicking in the mud and wants nothing more than to drag you under with it.

12. Be Positive
I don’t mean act like a squirrel on red bull because you will piss people off. Keep a positive outlook generally, whatever you’re thinking now – its really NOT that bad and can get much worse.

13. Acknowledge Something Greater
You don’t have to turn into Ghandi but DO acknowledge that something greater than you exits and is the very reason for your existence in the universe.

Hyper Smash


Sex is empowering,fidelity is dead

27 Feb

I haven’t blogged in over a year so here are a few highlights to speed things up. Working with Damien did not work out. I hated the job, became a chronic smoker, fought daily with Damien and eventually lapsed into a dark state of depression- so dark actually that had the opportunity presented itself when I had planned I would have taken it but the fear of pain before death held me back.

I believed being engaged would have ‘solved’ my problems and given me the stability I was desperate for but it created even more problems, none of which I had solutions to. As I started a new and empowering job things between Damien slowly fell apart – I believe he resented the fact that I had surpassed his salary and gained back my independence but the most important thing was that my judgment was no longer hidden behind a cloud of xanax and mary jane. I saw clearly all that was there but more eye opening all that was not.

Damien cheated on me, I don’t know why to this day it was something that shocked me- I was never a naive girl but for some reason he was the one person I put ALL of my trust and dreams into, the one person that knew every thing about me, every secret even those I was too embarrassed to share. Nothing was ever off limits. I truly believed he could have just said this wasn’t working out and leave but he betrayed all that he was to me especially at a time in my life when he was all there was.

Fast forward 4 months and none of that even matters, what matters is the lessons I’ve learnt from all those experiences. I have now become the kind of person I grew up hating- those people who are so caught up in themselves they don’t care that anyone else around them has feelings. I think relationships are the means to an end- the means being to bait someone, the end just being sex.

Sex, one simple word that evokes limitless emotions and dire consequences but what a delightfully dangerous combination it makes. I no longer understand the concept of a relationship when we know there really is no such thing as full disclosure- everyone lies and if they say they don’t, they’re still lying. Hollywood has painted the image of fairytale romances, girls become adults with a princess complex.

The Princess Complex is much easier to explain than to break; girls believe that no matter what shit they go through, someday their prince will ride in on a white horse to save them. Save Me! I live in a world where the princes drive anything that’s bigger than their ego ( provided they can find one) leaving a trail of broken hearts and in some cases reputations.

I will not be as bitter as to say love does not exist but I would be a complete idiot to put life on pause, wait in the shadows instead of living my life. This airy fairy idea of love really isn’t for me, give me a good fuck any day and I’m satisfied. No calls to make, none to answer maybe a few to avoid but how much simpler could we break sex down. Find someone, get laid, get laid some more and add to your booty call list. Really, this isn’t rocket science – so why then is everyone still so caught up in this relationship mode?

Religion & Relationships

10 Sep

Religion and Relationships. Do two people have to share the same religious beliefs to make their relationship work? And if so who should do the compromising? – the least pious of the pair?

This was the question I asked myself after fighting with Daniel over a Christmas tree. I am not religious in any form or fashion but I’m not atheist either, I believe there’s a higher power and I’m quite content to keep it to just that. I have nothing against people that confirm to a specific spiritual lifestyle – I think its great to have that discipline and faith –I just choose to not share in it.

It would be harder for me to pretend to be something I know I can’t and if going to Church every Sunday and having to forgo my weekend full of beer, Mary Jane, Chinese and lots of sex then count me out. I’m just not ready for a committed relationship with God. Many might view me as a sinner but the weekends are my heaven.

I live by morals – don’t steal, don’t cheat, don’t do anything that you would be ashamed to tell your mom and that’s just good enough for me. So coming back to the Christmas Tree thing – Daniel hates the idea that when we are married I want to have one and do the entire decorations thing ‘we’ll confuse our kids’ according to him since he wants them to be Jewish.

I grew up with a Muslim mother who celebrated Christmas and an atheist father who couldn’t care less and apart from my flaws that didn’t fuck me up in any way possible, if anything it made me more open and more respectful of other people’s beliefs.

I just don’t see why It’s expected that I compromise because I don’t have a religion- how did not having a firm belief in a belief system that has divided people and spewed wars across the world for centuries, make my opinion any less important?

Why is it so important that people in relationships share the same religion? We all can’t be the same race and that’s fine with most civilized people in the world but as soon as we get to the God talk we become medieval witch hunters and that’s just too bad because I’m not ready to be burned at the stake.

Maybe it is just me but Christmas is more of a cultural and family thing for me as it is for most Guyanese.
(And this may be the only time i say this) I am happy that I live in a country where having a Christmas tree and those cheap $200 fairy lights on someone’s veranda doesn’t automatically mean they’re Christian – it means they’re diverse, they’re open minded.

Christmas is so commercialised it can be hard to escape all the hype that comes with the season but all I want is to go shopping for presents for people that I love and care about, its my time to show them how much their support has meant to me throughout the year – really is that asking too much?

I have about a year to change Daniel’s mind about the Christmas thing and if I’m not successful then we cant marry. Its as simple as that – asking me to compromise my tradition and the ONE thing that I hold dear to my heart is asking me too much.

Be careful what you wish for- you just might get it.

30 Aug

I haven’t had the chance to blog anything decent in obviously a very long time.  Jorge is no longer in my life – he decided its more satisfying doing good in the world than chasing after skirts he’s never going to get so he’s now en route to become Mother Theresa ‘s reincarnate doing charity work in India.

Funny enough I became one of those horrible persons in management that I hated so much and I still do.  Its weird how your perspective changes so easily when you switch places.  I began to see everything through new eyes; no longer were the managers snobs but the subordinates (having  been one myself) were always screwing up, always absent from work for frivolous reasons – since when did your grandmother’s funeral become more important than your job?

Then it hit me – I was one of them , I was hated just the same way I hated them and for all good reasons. I lost myself somewhere in the power struggle, in the dog eat dog world I worked in. My job description called for me to be sympathetic much like a counselor but I became more insensitive. It was like the more problems the employees had the more it was less important and soon enough none of that mattered to me any longer.

Smartly enough I never showed my displeasure much, I recognized what I had become and went to all lengths to make it right. Eventually I became known for my efficiency rather than my heartless demeanor.

Just when I thought I was in the perfect job and everything was going great I was thrown a curve ball.  Seems my job had become so simple in the eyes of my bosses that they figured anyone off the street could do it and that’s what they did – pulled someone off their entry level position to take up a spot with me in the same position that had once required at least a first degree when I entered the department.

Before you go there; no I’m not upset that I have someone else in the same position as myself but I am (well I was) upset that persons who have a longer tenure with the company and are way more qualified were passed over for what clearly seems like favoritism. So it was on that note that I decided to quit my job- this was just a drop in the ocean of disasters to follow the company and the persons making all the screwed up decisions.

After all this the one thing I learnt was that I never learned! I kept hoping that things would get better that persons were trustworthy but I was proved wrong.

Having gone through that and all its drama I am positive that I can function in any job with reptiles as my co workers and the devil himself as my boss and that would go over better than all of this did.

Pretty Girls don’t shower!

16 Sep




Seriously this hype over false hair, nails and godforbid eyelashes has become crazy! I work in a predominantly female company and at least 65% of the employees buy their face,nails and hair.

I love makeup- i won’t lie, especially the dramatic kind that only performers can pull off, but some people dont realise its called STAGE makeup for a reason, so unless these co-workers of mine are not starring in the new pirates of the caribbean, then that Johnny Depp – i’m stoned-gothic- eye liner is really not for an 8 hr working day. And if  the girls seem to think it looks great just ask anyone who has to talk to them and ends up staring as most of the black gunk settles in their eyes and their tear ducts start running black water, like something out of a Hitchcock movie.

But if all that weren’t bad enough I know these women are not hygenic, for one most of them look like they just had to touch up the black gunk from the  first application, its like something that is layered on so consistently that they can no longer tell what their eyes are supposed to look like!

Now the eyelashes, i can understand if you’re doing this for a big event, a photoshoot, a wedding where you want to look your best for photo -ops, but please please why are there women running around GT with these things permanently aixed to their corneas?  A co- worker of mine wears hers everyday, a sign that she cannot possibly be washing her face, unless she wakes up at 4am everyday to apply them because i know for a fact they are cumbersome to apply but my honest guess is that she sleeps with them as i’ve heard her saying she almost forgot and touched her eye….. WHY would i want to wear something that prevents me from having contact with my face?

Now coming to the hair, wigs can be hot but why do women think they can pull of that Mary J. blonde? NO NO…Its just sad  not to mention disturbing to see a gurl black as tamarind seed wearing a full head of platinum locks whipping in the wind. Like the host of Glamour encouraging more women to buy their own hair and then proclaiming its yours  if you bought it…bought and hair?  sounds like an oxymorn, but then again so is the host.

Coming to the nails, no one can stop women from wanting beautiful nails, but they should be natural looking, no? From the time that we can spot your nailbed rising upward like baking dough, its fake. I have seen some really pretty natural nails that have been ruined by all that ghetto airbrush art- why cant a simple manicure cut it? let your nails speak not your nailpolish!

Now coming to hygenie again, not only are some of these nails way to long to type with, what about washing your ass and other delicate parts in the shower? guess they dont!  not only are these pretty girls nasty but they’re also lazy- think any of them would scrub a pot with those talons?!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but sometimes we’re not really sure what horrors lurk beneath!


4 Sep

 The other day i was at lunch peacefully trying to devour my meal in less than my 30 mins allotted time by my slave labor company and there he comes right in to bug the living shit out of me- Jorge!

So he keeps asking mundane questions, i politely answer him until i just cant take it anymore and i just start giving one word murmers- he finally gets the hint but then is too dumb to stop- leans over in my ear to ask me if he can ask a question, i think sure why not you’ve been doing all 20mins without caring so whats one more jab at me and then there he goes- asking me the unthinkable – ” are you having your period” – WAT THE FUCK?

I basically told Jorge that i dont need to be having my period to be a bitch to him, it just comes naturally when he walks in the room and shoots shit at me.

I don’t get this guy he now thinks that my frend and i are wearing the same clothes to work – simultaneously- how the hell thats possible is only in jorge’s mind.

propaganda press!

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